Today I welcome on my blog and share with my readers a “Guest Post” from a dear friend, she is a software engineer by profession, a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister and wears all these hats with elan’. Please give a warm welcome to my dear friend and fellow blogger Mamta Pandit.
Today she joins us with her post, a story on the very topic of the day ‘Karva Chauth’ the festival when many women all over India fast for the long life of their husbands. A very colourful, vibrant and controversial festival. Controversial you say, because as I write this with bangles tinkling on my wrist but a full stomach while sipping my tea. Two things that don’t go together with the festival of the day!
You have heard of her earlier when I shared about her and her blog and urged all of you motivate here to blog regularly. She has a one year old daughter and tries to take time out from the nurturing for blogging. It is all a fine balance and for a young mother the balance of home, child, family and following your passion is overwhelming at times. Let’s now read what Mamta has to say.
It was a special day, I was busy with the preparations, the phone was ringing constantly and I was trying to figure it out who could be on the other side so eager to speak to me at 7 in the morning. I picked it up with some frustration but finally answered with a smile on my face… it was Nivedita my best friend,”oh! dear happy Karwa-Chouth , it’s your first , must be excited?” I congratulated her before she could speak.
”yes… Thanks yaar” she was sounding so low, “what is wrong, you are not sounding as excited as I thought you would be what happened?” I asked.
”yes… Thanks yaar” she was sounding so low, “what is wrong, you are not sounding as excited as I thought you would be what happened?” I asked.
See there is a problem, she started , you know how excited I was for this vrat (fast) and all the customs related to it , and so are my in-laws and my hubby Abhay , I got a new sari as a gift from my mother in-law and I am sure Abhay has also planned some surprise for me.
That’s good, now what is the problem? I asked
The problem is that I am feeling hungry, you know me, I keep munching whole day and water…remember you used call me a fish, as I always used to carry that water bottle with me. It’s only 7 in the morning and I am feeling like I will die if don’t get a sip of water in next few minutes…Moon rise time is 8.30 p.m., not getting what to do…I know this is all my fault, I only started all this. I have never imagined that it’s going to be so tough, I thought if all women can keep this fast why can’t I, but now I am feeling as if I am trapped in a net created by myself.
Hey , please don’t talk like that, you are no bird and no net ensnares you , not even the one created by yourself, take a deep breath , have some water right now, don’t even think about it right now please…. and give me some time, I will call you back in few minutes…I replied with an intention to buy sometime.
Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind, I know Nivedita’s in-laws, also her parents, they are so much into all these customs and rituals, and Nivedita also had a similar upbringing…what should I tell her, she got married just three months back , it’s an arranged marriage and everything is fine till now as far as I know. How will they react after knowing the fact that Nivedita is not keeping this fast, which is supposed to be the most important of all for married women. I was in middle of my thoughts and the phone rang again. It was Nivedita I knew.
The moment I said hello, she replied, “Can’t tell you how relaxed I am after having that sip of water, but now what, what will I tell my in-laws, parents and Abhay…Oh God it’s a sin you know…”
Just shut up saving your own life is no sin…it’s just a custom not a law. Please listen carefully discuss this with Abhay and tell him that you can’t keep this fast for him, explain him your situation, I am sure he will understand and secondly it’s Abhay who should tell your in-laws about this. I know how you and your family value these traditions, even I am not against it but the point is at what cost?
If you are feeling so weak now only, I am sure if you don’t eat or drink anything till evening you will get hospitalised. I mean Abhay can’t judge you on the basis of number of fasts you keep for his well-being. It’s not only about this year, it’s about all the years to come, it’s about your lifelong relationship with your new family and you can’t start it on a false note. Please face it and end it today itself, there is no point in building up expectations, instead be true to yourself and to the people around you if you want to have peaceful life, a Karwa-Chauth vrat is not going to decide or define your relationship, mutual trust and respect will….are you listening?? I replied.
If you are feeling so weak now only, I am sure if you don’t eat or drink anything till evening you will get hospitalised. I mean Abhay can’t judge you on the basis of number of fasts you keep for his well-being. It’s not only about this year, it’s about all the years to come, it’s about your lifelong relationship with your new family and you can’t start it on a false note. Please face it and end it today itself, there is no point in building up expectations, instead be true to yourself and to the people around you if you want to have peaceful life, a Karwa-Chauth vrat is not going to decide or define your relationship, mutual trust and respect will….are you listening?? I replied.
Yes Meera, I got your point even I was thinking of discussing this with Abhay but was in a dilemma. Thanks dear, Abhay is still sleeping, let me give him a surprise..She said.
I finally called her up in the evening and she informed me all is fine, and Abhay has convinced her in-laws and that she is celebrating her first Karwa-Chauth without keeping any fast.
Thank you Mamta for your lovely and progressive story. You can read more of her work at “Mera Aangan” her blog.
I too feel that in the fast paced life that we women live today such ancient practices can be altered to suit our needs.
I have a Bhabhi whose whole family goes out for a lavish dinner for Karva Chauth as a day to celebrate for the ladies. No fasting, no puja, no tradition; wait there is a tradition of going out for the dinner every year as a big family get together.
I really like their new Karva Chauth tradition. Hope it goes viral and that’s what KarvaChauth progresses with time.
